It always vexes me how often I have heard people, who have been at a church for a few years, say they have no community. How is this possible in today’s church which is full of social events? Dietrich Bonhoeffer may have found the answer.
Too often, we hide behind our persona’s and false identities in order to not be vulnerable with one another. The lack of truth, in order not to be vulnerable, creates a chasm between us and real community. There are several reasons why we are not open and truthful with one another, but there are two which are common in today’s church: 1 – It is not modeled by leadership. 2 – People don’t feel it is safe to do so.
If the pastors and leaders are not truthful with the congregation, the congregation will not be truthful with each other.
“If we say we have fellowship while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, to the breaking of bread and the prayers.” – 1 John 1:6-7
If you want better followers, demand better leaders. Where poor leadership exists, then it is up to you to lead by example.
There is a dichotomy when it comes to gossip. Too often, expressing one’s feelings and concerns is deemed gossip, while the spreading of information one shared in confidence is never rebuked. If you want to promote an atmosphere of safety in the church, then issues and concerns should be freely discussed and worked out. I once had a pastor tell me and the staff of the church I worked at, “You’re opinion is not truth.” He used that as a means to silence bringing up issues and concerns within the staff because he wanted to handle the issues “in love”, but not so much in truth. The irony true love is bathed in truth, not the absence of it.
In today’s church, Paul would be considered a gossip and unbiblical for calling out Peter (Cephas) in front of others (Galatians 2:14). It is the true heart behind the information which is more important than the information itself. Paul’s heart was to protect God’s sheep. Our heart should be to honor and glorify God and / or to protect His sheep.
Another pastor I worked with would tell us that anyone that gossiped would be fired, however, his wife was known to be a gossip. When consistency is lacking, trust is not fostered, neither is real community. In order for real community to exist, everyone must be treated equally, regardless of position and/or platform. Issues and concerns must be allowed to be freely expressed and worked out so that people feel safe enough to be deeply vulnerable to paraphrase Bonhoeffer, “establish a genuine community.”
If you found this quote from Bonhoeffer interesting or edifying, you can read our summary of his book “The Cost of Discipleship” by clicking HERE.