How many times have you heard someone who has done something against his fellow Christian, use what David said in 2 Samuel 12 as a means to “show” repentance? In reality, when someone says that, they are seeking to avoid asking the person for forgiveness. Since King David, one of the most prominent people in the Bible used it, who are we to question it? But we should always question what we think the Bible is saying, especially when we are using it as an “excuse” do less or lower the bar.
As a brief recap, David slept with Bathsheba who was married to Uriah. Bathsheba informs David she is pregnant with David’s baby. David then tried to cover it up by bring Uriah from the battle so he would go home and sleep with his wife Bathsheba, to make it appear as if Uriah got Bathsheba pregnant. Uriah would not honor David’s desire to cover over his sin, so David sent Uriah back the battle and arranged for him to be killed in battle.
Nathan comes to David and tells him a story for David to see the evil that was done and then showed David that he was the one that did the evil. 2 Samuel 12:13 “David said to Nathan, ‘I have sinned against the LORD.’”
When someone says, “I have sinned against the Lord only,” or say that they only need to repent to the LORD, they are pulling this from one of the Psalms David wrote.
“Against you, and you alone, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you may be justified in your words and blameless in your judgement.”
Psalm 51:4
Whenever you read the Bible, you must differentiate between prescriptive texts and descriptive texts.
Prescriptive texts are God’s words that command us to do something, like God giving The Law to the Israelites.
Descriptive texts simply describe something that happened.
When we go back to 2 Samuel 12:13, this simply describes David’s response. More specifically, David was responding to Nathan asking him in verse 9 “Why have you despised the word of the LORD, to do what is evil in his sight?” David’s response was the realization of the depth of the evil which was done in God’s sight after God lists out all the things He had done for David. Modern teaching on sin, would have led to David responding with, “I have missed the mark.” However, David, knowing God, knows that he did evil in God’s sight and that he regarded God’s words as inferior to his own desire to cover over his sin.
There is nothing prescriptive here; it simply describes how David responded when faced with his sin. However, since most people are quoting Psalm 51:4, we need to look at those verses to see whether they are prescriptive or descriptive.
Psalm 51 a a lament, a cry out to God expressing his grief. While a Psalm of lament is definitely on the prescriptive side, as it is very beneficial to cry out to God to express grief or sorrow when taking ownership of your sin, the exact words are David’s individual feelings of grief expressed.
Psalm 51:4 “Against you, and you only have I sinned” is actually a true statement. Since sin is contempt for God or God’s word, you attack God, and in a sense your desires/actions have declared war on God. Ultimately every sin is a sin against God, since God’s moral laws have been broken and ultimately our repentance to God and His forgiveness through the blood of Jesus cleanses us from our sins.
This leads us to our next question: Do we need to repent to people we have wronged?
Do we need to repent to people we have wronged?
There is only one verse that seems to tell us to repent to one another and is found in James.
“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective”
James 5:16
Verses in Luke seems to tell us to rebuke someone who has sinned against us, in order to get them to repent, and us to forgive them.
“Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive.”
Luke 17:3-4
More specifically to the question of whether we need to repent to people or not, let’s look at what Jesus said in Matthew 5:23-24.
“So, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.”
Matthew 5:23-24
Sounds like Jesus is telling us that repentance and reconciliation are pretty important. Some can read the verse above and think reconciliation is more important than your offering, but I don’t think that is what Jesus is saying. Let’s go to Isaiah to see what Jesus might be referencing.
“Hear the word of the LORD, you rulers of Sodom! Give ear to the teaching of our God, you people of Gomorrah! What to me is the multitude of your sacrifices? says the Lord; I have had enough of burnt offering of rams and the fat of well-fed beasts; I do not delight in the blood of bulls, or of lambs or of goats.”
Isaiah 1:10-11
Why is God tired of the sacrifices that He has commanded them to do? If we keep reading, will we find out.
“Wash yourselves; make yourselves clean; remove the evil of your deeds from before my eyes; cease to do evil, learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow’s cause.” – Isaiah 1:16-17
Isaiah 1:16-17
What Jesus is saying in Matthew 5:23-24 is not that repentance is greater than an offering, it is that the offering must accompany a clean, pure heart. God does not want your offering if your heart is not pure. If you have sinned against someone and have yet to truly repent for the offense to them, Jesus is telling you that your heart is not clean.
Want more evidence?
“I hate, I despise your feasts, and I take no delight in your solemn assemblies. Even though you offer me your burnt offerings and grain offerings, I will not accept them; and the peace offering of your fattened animals, I will not look upon them. Take away from me the noise of your songs; to the melody of your harps, I will not listen. But let justice roll down like waters, and the righteousness like an ever-flowing stream.“
Amos 5:21-24
Again, God wants his people to be holy like He is holy. He seeks truth, justice and righteousness from His people, not formalities.
Even with those verses, some people will say, “God does not commandment us to repent to someone when they sin against them,” and they are correct. However, God doesn’t require you to repent to someone you sinned against because He knows that the moment He requires it, there is no heart behind it; it no longer is genuine and therefore no longer true repentance. God wants you to want to repent to someone when you sin against them. God wants you to want to be truthful, to seek justice and righteousness for His people.
As with everything, there is the letter of the law and there is the heart behind it. The Pharisees were great at following the letter of the law, while completely missing the heart of it. Each time Jesus had to show them the better way.
Matthew 12:1-8, The Pharisees accuse the disciples of breaking the Sabbath
Matthew 12:9-14, Jesus heals on the Sabbath
Matthew 15:10-20, What defiles a person
Matthew 23:1-36, Seven Woes to the Scribes and Pharisees
Paul echoes Jesus’ teachings:
“Therefore, having put away falsehood (lying), let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.”
Ephesians 4:25
Repenting to someone you sinned against speaks truth to them. You admit you did something to them that should not have been done and are asking for forgiveness.
“So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
Philippians 2:1-4
When we don’t repent to one another when we have sinned against them, we are doing it out of our own selfishness or our own conceit. We don’t feel we did anything wrong, or we don’t want to admit that we did. When we do this, we are thinking of ourselves as more significant and important than our neighbor.
So yes, we technically only sin against God and we are not commanded to repent to others, however the heart behind all of Jesus’s teaching shows that we should, especially if we say we follow Jesus.
Opening Up James, Roger Ellsworth – “Confession should always be as wide as the sin. If we have sinned secretly, we should confess it to God. If we have sinned against someone else, we should confess it to God and to the person whom we have wronged. And if we have sinned publicly, we should confess it to God and in public” (Day One Publications, 2009, p. 162).